Bible mock review

Since I've noticed so many "Christians" praising the Bible yet condemning Christian entertainment (fyi, it's not, at its core, meant exclusively for Christians), I've decided on a thought-provoking thought: what if a Christian who follows today's "fluff faith" Christianity were to read the Bible, cover-to-cover, and actually write an amazon review in the same way they review the entertainment? I imagine it would be something like this... oh, and there will be little subtleties to look for, as well.

Okay, there's something seriously wrong here! I was raised up in the church and this "Bible" is NOT what I've always heard the preachers say it is! At first, in the first two chapters, everything's easy-peasy, nice and cheery. After that, literally all Hell breaks loose! I mean, come on, why did humanity have to be viewed in such a bad light? I thought Hollywood was getting worse and worse with all the senseless violence, blood, and gore, not to mention the heapings of language, blasphemy, sex, etc., but even a cursory glance anywhere from Genesis 3 showed horrifying stuff that doesn't make us humans look good! I've believed we were good people and that God loves us, but there were times that God actually commands HIS PEOPLE (how racist is that!?) to kill others! What kind of miserable book is this? Okay, yeah, there are miracles here and there, but come on, now! These defy even evolution, which some pastors I've heard agree is the real deal, and they're legit leaders!
Also, I thought there were no other gods, so why are there mentions of other gods in the Bible? Who in the he- I mean the world, are Mamnon, Dagon, Artemis, and Baal? This was supposed to be about God and His love! Speaking of which, this shows nothing about the love that I keep hearing about, people that DIE for people they love? What kind of screwed-up junk is this?
Just so we're clear, I've been checking out the King James, since I've heard it was the only accurate version, but even that seems to have the most dangerous taboo of them all in my church, that of no swearing! I've witnessed words like... well, like I said, it's taboo. But I've seen them there!
Also, what's the deal with Jesus? I keep hearing he's the Savior of mankind, so why does he bash the religious leaders for following the rules the way they do? Why does he bash the cashing system they used in the temple and got violent? No, not like a drop of blood violent, but flipping tables and freeing animals? Who's this guy think he is? A free capitalist and candidate for the PETA?
What's more, he actually chews out people I never thought mankind's savior would never chew out, besides the religious leaders- HIS OWN DISCIPLES! That doesn't sound like a nice leader to me, sounds like he constantly got up on the wrong side of the bed every morning. Not to mention some of the things he says makes no sense to me, especially in the parables. And, yeah, I've heard he died for everyone's sins, blah, blah, blah, but did the Bible have to be THAT descriptive about the process they used? I thoguht Passion of the Christ was gruesome, but the Bible drove home the imagery a little too well for my taste!
Well, okay, I could have done a cursory glance at any given verse without looking into context, but that's not the point. The point is that it contradicts everything I knew from what the pastors I have trusted have told me!
Not only that, but, aside from Jesus own GRAPHIC death, his disciples also die in gruesome ways, no one seems to live a happy ending except that one dude who lives out his life in exile. IN EXILE! Was no one tolerant of anyone even then? Plus, didn't that Peter dude start the whole Catholic church? Is that where today's hatred of Catholics started? I don't know, it's confusing me too much.
Jesus seemed to support all the wrong people (a tax collector [who apparently, in that culture, stole from their own people and gave to their local enemies, whatever that means], a man that would steal from his own friends, a woman with a serious PMS issue, a woman who was an outcast for ADULTERY, a big-mouthed fisherman, and guys who lived a hardcore partying style that puts college kids today to shame) and seemed like he always missed the right people. And the dead people he came in contact with! If he had done that today, people would've been worried he was a necrophiliac in the process!
There's hardly anything edifying about Jesus, especially since, as he's supposed to be a teacher, he doesn't use those big words that theologians use, doesn't get into systematic theology like I'm used to, and, like I said, his parables make no real sense to me.
And, while I'm still on Jesus here, I've heard some of the most legit leaders in the Church, those who go with the Prosperity Gospel and the Seed Movement,  preach about how good he is. But something's really off. According to what they say, God prospers those who have faith in Him, giving them plenty. If that's so, then why doesn't the Bible describe Jesus as wearing anything like the first century equivalent of, say, Jos. A. Bank, Hostetler, Prada, or even Gucci? Not Nike or Adidas to get away from the bloodthirsty crowds who wanted to off him? He even let a prostitute (!) wipe his feet with her hair after pouring her perfume on his feet, and I get a distinct feeling it wasn't something like Chanel No. 5 here. And if Jesus is prospering, I don't see it. His clothes don't reflect it, he doesn't hang around the higher class, and being crucified DEFINITELY doesn't show he could've given money to save himself. WTH's the deal!?
And speaking of bad things for good people, Job himself gets really horrible things happened to him, even though he follows God's laws to the T! Not to mention his own wife, after everything in his life falls apart, chews him out for still believing in God. I'm starting to wonder about the validity of this tome, with all the bad things that happen to God's children, as well as how they're put as less than good!
And then there's sexual stuff. Just look at Songs of Solomon (or Song of Songs, or whatever it's called), but don't get me into talking about it, that was some really raunchy stuff! But that wasn't all, there were a few other sex scenes that made no sense to be in a holy book like this. It's supposed to be holy! Why's all this stuff in here if it's supposed to be pure!?
This is, by far, the least holiest book I've read, the steamiest raunch, the most graphic deaths, the most insane stuff! And the legit leaders I've trusted all my life support this? WHY!?
My [self-righteous] rating: 0/5

And that, my friends, is the essence of how I'm seeing the followers of all these fluff faiths are becoming if they actually read the Bible on their own without the lens of false pastors who sugarcoat and water everything down.

The 'net just got sad again

Remember when I reported that jesus-is-savior.com was down? Apparently payment for the site was paid up because it's back up. Which means people will still e able to come by the site and laugh at it and claim that's how Christians think. Or something like that. It is sad that there are people like David J. Stewart who says Jesus is the only way to Heaven and sound like heathens when they say it.
Now for the blatant contradictions on the site:
*He claims it's not a hate site, yet everything on it is blatantly hateful if you're not of his mindset on any particular thing or issue.
*He claims to have answers on why he criticizes religion. Sadly, he sounds precisely like the religiousity I grew up in, so he's no better.
And trust me... there's plenty more contradictions about the site.
But something for thought. He claims on the contact page that, due to poor health, he's unable to make contact with people who want to ask him stuff. If he's that sick, how could his site be up and running again?

Revelation Road: Review

A couple years back, I'd thought of trying to come up with a concept for an End Times story where the main character WASN'T a new journalist. Though I got the concept (and it would be a children's story, believe it or not), someone beat me to actually getting the story done.
Introducing Revelation Road: The Beginning of the End

First off, I'd like to mention that a part of me was hesitant on seeing this film because of the last film from Pure|Flix I saw, Saving Winston, which ended up being a Christian movie full of Christian tropes and cliches that bored me. Not only that, I'd noticed people on amazon.com hated this movie because of its violence (makes me wonder how they'd react to Jesus when He comes back in full Terminator mode like He's described in the Book of Revelations?)
(Possible spoilers ahead)
Josh is a travelling salesman on his way back to his wife and daughter and on the phone with her when two strange things happen. One is a bizarre lightning storm. Just lightning. Constant. The other, as he's pulled over when his car dies down, is some guy bumping into his car, then yells at him as if he was the one that ruined his truck. As Josh points out the error of what the guy's saying, things just about get out of control when a bike gang (who, in the initial scene, have already beaten up a federal agent and the leader says something really insightful on how backwards the world is when it comes to who's to fear and who's not) comes by. After the nonviolent skirmish, the bike gang goes off.
Josh goes into a convenience store to try another try at selling what he's selling. Then comes straightforward questions from the man he's trying to sell to. Not long after, the salesman who's "not on speaking terms" with God protects the store's owner and his granddaughter from 3 of the bike gang. From there, things get intense. And not just the constant lightning storm from nowhere, either.
Normally, when it comes to indie-made Christian flicks, I'd get really hesitant on trying them out because of the tendency to have little variety. It was only because the people expressed disdain because of the violence that I decided to try it out. Now I'm glad.
You have a trouble-making biker gang, straightforward talk about Jesus (luckily, nothing too cheesy for me to handle and it definitely hit home on a couple points about God's character), and the biker gang is as hardcore as they come (of course, there's no swearing, and in only one instance did the swearless talk come off as slightly cheesy) with their leather getups and crazy helmets. And it turns out the leader has a somewhat ambiguous relationship with one of the women (not sexual, it's hinted they're related, like father-daughter, but his crude talk shows disgust toward her).
So, basically, the bikers represent how the world is toward Christians, and accurately as well.
The violence is what would make this film PG-13 if it were rated (that and one woman mentioning that she's a drug junkie). A couple shootouts, blood mists sprays, but certainly nothing as extreme as, say, The Book of Eli (there was no dismemberment, full-framed headshots, decapitations, bloody arrow shots, etc. in this movie), but when vioelence happens, it's immediately clear what's going on.
And some of the violence is contextually clear as protecting one's family.
There are people who've shown how legalistic they are on terms with the objectionable content of this film, but I guess they miss the overall picture with an erroneous reading of the Bible.
There are moments when Josh has clear struggles with who he is (though it's never fully explained what his past was like, that's going to be shown in the sequel), and when one woman mocks him and asks "What? You found Jesus?" when he explains that he's not who he was, he says a stunner for him and explains about his wife. And the way he talks about her, it's blatantly clear how much he loves her and is not willing to compromise for anything. In that one scene, the woman throws out realistic questions that one really normally wouldn't hear in the world about how nothing in the world can change who someone really is, no matter what. After a brief fight with the woman's friend (couldn't tell if he was her boyfriend or client consider how she hints about herself), he begins to realize something about himself and, while on the phone with his wife, something weird happens.
I won't get into what happens, but if you've seen all the other End Times movies, you can figure it out easily.
When the store owner's granddaughter manages to escape from the clutches of the biker gang, she runs into an unexpected character (if you've seen The Encounter, you'll recognize him), and he performs one crazy miracle for her to let her know who he is.
If there was anything that did annoy me about this film, it would be the lighting effects from the constant lightning strikes, for they were overprocessed to the point of being obviously fake. Some of the script tended to go overboard (though not much) that showed it wasn't a major production.
Ocassionally, some stylized shots just seemed to come out nowhere. Most of them helped out with the stylizing of the action, but others simply seemed pointless.
Beyond these technical reasonings, I actually enjoyed this movie quite well.
Now to wait for the sequel.

Quick update on a hate site

If you remember my blog about relating to sinners, which included the site jesus-si-savior.com, guess what? It seems the site has been taken down by its supporter. Well, that's so-called "Christian" hate site down. But what to do about the White Aryan Race or the Christian Identity Movement? That's going to be a little trickier if you ask me.

Live the Unrated Life!

My brother and I have an inside joke about un/rated movies:
Rated movies are decaffeinated coffee, you won't get as much as you should. Unrated movies are like regular coffee, you get the whole deal. However, to go further into detail, I have noticed 2 kinds of unrated movies.
There are those that are unrated just to have more content:

And there are those that are extended to give more story:

As I've thought about it over the years, I've realized that there's an integral difference between the people in the Bible and today's churchgoers (not all, but a sad chunk of them); the people of the Bible lived such a noticed life full of intensity in faith that they lived an UNRATED LIFE! They did not care how society saw them. Yeah, they still had flaws (who doesn't? I'm still a pretty jacked-up person despite having faith in God and Jesus), but they had more a passion to follow Jesus and God.
And how are today's Christians?
They're rated.
They seem to act and behave like following the rules (made by man, mind you, barely striving for God's commandments at all) will save them more than living the committment to Jesus' commandments.
It's no wonder we're such a joke in the eyes of society, whatwith Christians just going to church, giving 10% of their income, singing a few songs, trying to not swear/drink/smoke, and trying to appear presentable. I've known a man that went to church, wouldn't dare watch an R-rated movie, cringed whenever his co-workers swore, and always tried to follow the rules of today's church. And then he would say that he was a good person. His wife asked me once if that was all it took, I told her "Not by a long shot." It really doesn't. If all that's needed to be done to get into Heaven was following the rules and being a good person, then the Pharisees had been right all this time and Jesus died for NOTHING. In which case, there'd be people I really don't want to see again in Heaven. If that were the case, Heaven would be a nightmare for me.
Following rules has nothing to do with following God, particularly the rules made by man, but a heart that strives to know and love God, that's important. 2 excellent examples was King David and his son, Solomon. And I follow their example whenever I can (not easy in this generation, yet I believe it's worth it).
So, let's try to live an unrated Christian life, one filled with unexpectancies, open to the insane possibilities of what God has in mind for us. You never know the asinine stuff that can happen.
Now for my own question: what's my excuse for not going with that kind of life?