Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Recent Realization

It seems it's true. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Growing up in both Zanesville, Ohio and Clarksburg, West Virginia, I was a loner for various reasons.
Recently, I went to a dance party with a group I'm with, CRU. It was joined by a similar group, BCM. It was for Valentine's Day, or as singles know it, Singles Awareness Day.
One reason I went was for a (hopeful) chance to dance with a certain friend of mine. After all, there were swing dance instructors!
Unfortunately, much as I seriously wanted to ask this lass to dance (let alone get on the dance floor), I simply couldn't get myself to actually do it.
I desired it.
I wanted to do it.
I saw it as enjoyable.
Yet I couldn't get myself to take the chance. My friend went on the floor, had a great time dancing with a few mutual friends, was happy with doing so. I was happy for her. Yet sad for myself. A little bit later, I got the chance to talk with my friend that I simply can't dance.
All this time, I thought it was because my parents didn't have a dancing gene to give me. Then again, my mother did dance as an exercise when she was in her 20's (no, I'm not saying her age now, either).
As I did some soul searching, I realized the problem was far deeper than genetics. It was my self-esteem, which was fractured as a child.
With my self-esteem being broken starting at an early age (10), my worldview was bleak. No friends, no way to get friends, no way to get help when needed, etc. Even after moving in with my mother at 12, I would start a truly long journey to break out of that shell. Even so, some side effects longer, as I'm still discovering to my chagrin.
It may also be the reason I'm not too good at evangelizing, something Christians are told to. Most would think it's simple shyness, which is a problem I've had since I can remember.
Or, possibly, a mix of the two.
As an end of this post, remember this: that saying about sticks, stones, and broken bones is a lowsy saying.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

A couple new things

So, I'm off Facebook, officially. Finally. When things get better grounded, I have more important things to look forward to than the newest trends, most hateful political posts, etc.
Like really getting back to my stories. I'm even going to try drawing a map of a fictional town to visualize what's happening where.
I'm still without power so it's a mixed blessing. No heat, so I'm cold. However, no TV so I can read more.
I suppose this is more a general update.
The biggest update, though:
FINALLY GETTING MY OWN PLACE! Well, a place outside of my folks' place (I'm in the right age range for a Millennial, but have no interest in acting like one) and closer to where I work. But I have to wait til summer to move.
I also recently went to a Baptist Church. I thought there was a reason I quit going to those as a teen. Really had no choice in the matter since my car's broken down (yet again) and my local church is in town. No, I don't plan on walking 16-20 miles in the snow just to get to town. All the more reason to get excited for the new place! Plus, whenever I get the laptop I'm looking forward to, I can focus on my days off on my craft, honing it, finishing my ideas.
Here's to praying for the best.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Christian Fiction record broken!

Until this month, I've had a preconception about Christian fiction, namely the page count of your average mainstream CBA-approved book. When I would go through any lengthy-looking book, either in a library's Christian section or in a Christian store, I would be disappointed to find none longer than 500 pages.
As a reader of epic stuff, I really enjoy a longer-than-average book. I can enjoy a 3-400 page book well, but I love my stories long, full of sovereign mythos. Unless you go with an omnibus, you wouldn't find a book like that.
Until now.
Jill Williamson will be releasing, on January 31st, a book through CBA giant Bethany House a book that is over 600 pages.
Finally! A decent reading challenge!

Monday, January 2, 2017

Hopes for 2017

Last year was... how do I put it politely? A total travesty! Globally, there was so much violence and illicit trafficking. Nationally, this nation lost all integrity with its choice of leadership (long before election season) and we've become divided over the trivial factor of skin color.
When did we take the anti-enlightened step backward to our dark history of racial segregation?
Personally, I've looked at my last paystub from Little Caesar's, still can't believe how much I wasted. Could've cleared a couple debts, got a new laptop, AND a new pair of glasses (mine are getting scratched and the joints are a little loose). When better to start making personal changes than at the start of the year?
Hopefully, this year, I will have more than just book and film reviews. I'm considering making a YouTube Channel that will be Christian Apologetics with a big focus on literature, linguistics, and culture. Though, frankly, I'll need a team with me on that. Videographers, graphics designers, video editors, etc. I have zero experience in those fields, sadly. Anyone want to join?

Friday, November 18, 2016

November 19

Today's my birthday. Which means I'm no longer in my 20's. This thought has bothered for the past month.
Yeah, I'm told I look younger, that I'm as old as I feel. If that latter part's the case, where's my cane?
Sadly, I haven't done much of what I've wanted to do. Whether it's get married, finish and publish a book, open a bookstore, travel abroad, etc.
Some of those, I chalk up to laziness, others don't get such a simple reason. So it simply makes me wonder what I'll be doing while in my 30's.
I feel like the one important thing I've done was accepting Jesus in my heart. Correction, dropping religion from my heart and lifestyle and accepting Jesus in there. At least that way, I don't feel like a dead man walking.
Maybe next year I'll have more thought-provoking blogs than reviews.
Peace out, everyone!

Friday, October 21, 2016

Crossover Alliance

So, a little tidbit on something cool.

If you head over to The Crossover Alliance's website, you'll see a blog post by yours truly on a subject that I've thought about over the years. Mental illness and Christian fiction. Hope you enjoy it!

In the meantime, I need to stop beinglazy and get back to writing my stories.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Nikolai the Penitent review

This was, truly, a harrowing, challenging, dark Christian book with everything iin such a book I want in it. Relatable flawed characters, realistic atmosphere, wanton gritty content, forward dialogue, disturbing mental issues, and more.
WARNING! Adult read only!

From deep terrifying characterization in the first few chapters to a very mature sex scene that helps add to Nikolai's torments in the second half, near constant hallucinations that are deeply rooted in psychological terror.
There's not only sexual content, occasional swearing, and brutal violence, but historically accurate anti-Semitic epithets and hatred. In both the foreword and afterword, author Mark Carver indicates he has no hatred for Jews, but he needed to be accurate for the story. He did quite well. Having talked with Mark on Facebook a few times, it's also easy knowledge he has no hatred of Jews, making the story a good case "Don't mistake the book for how the author is."

A part of me almost wishes the there would be a sequel, but  standalone, with all story and subthreads closing by the end, ending on a thematically satisfying end.