Recent Realization

It seems it's true. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Growing up in both Zanesville, Ohio and Clarksburg, West Virginia, I was a loner for various reasons.
Recently, I went to a dance party with a group I'm with, CRU. It was joined by a similar group, BCM. It was for Valentine's Day, or as singles know it, Singles Awareness Day.
One reason I went was for a (hopeful) chance to dance with a certain friend of mine. After all, there were swing dance instructors!
Unfortunately, much as I seriously wanted to ask this lass to dance (let alone get on the dance floor), I simply couldn't get myself to actually do it.
I desired it.
I wanted to do it.
I saw it as enjoyable.
Yet I couldn't get myself to take the chance. My friend went on the floor, had a great time dancing with a few mutual friends, was happy with doing so. I was happy for her. Yet sad for myself. A little bit later, I got the chance to talk with my friend that I simply can't dance.
All this time, I thought it was because my parents didn't have a dancing gene to give me. Then again, my mother did dance as an exercise when she was in her 20's (no, I'm not saying her age now, either).
As I did some soul searching, I realized the problem was far deeper than genetics. It was my self-esteem, which was fractured as a child.
With my self-esteem being broken starting at an early age (10), my worldview was bleak. No friends, no way to get friends, no way to get help when needed, etc. Even after moving in with my mother at 12, I would start a truly long journey to break out of that shell. Even so, some side effects longer, as I'm still discovering to my chagrin.
It may also be the reason I'm not too good at evangelizing, something Christians are told to. Most would think it's simple shyness, which is a problem I've had since I can remember.
Or, possibly, a mix of the two.
As an end of this post, remember this: that saying about sticks, stones, and broken bones is a lowsy saying.